A Once in A Lifetime Friend: Remembering Brandon Gray

Every now and then we meet people that we know are one of a kind. Yes, everyone’s parents tell us that we’re all unique and different, but there are those people that exist beyond just that. Brandon Gray is one of those people that I had the privilege to see grow. I met Brandon when he was 17, in a group chat for black comic book nerds. I was 21, just about to graduate from NCAT in the fall. I think the chat was made in ‘16,  but it’s kind of hard to remember when it didn’t exist. Terrence threw us all in a chat together, and at first it was about weekly comics and video games. At some point it changed into family, and I’m not sure any of us can pinpoint exactly when, but Brandon was probably involved.

Brandon loved Destiny, and bought every expansion as soon as it dropped. If he knew you, he probably offered to buy it or something to play with you at some point. Every time he got some money in, he’d hop in the chat and ask “who wants breakfast?” Check hadn’t even cleared in his account yet and he was already trying to break bread. He’d go broke to do something special for his friends every time, without fail. If he got you for Secret Santa, he bought everything that was on your list and threw in something that he knew you’d like. 

There’s definitely a hierarchy of friends in every friend group. As tight knit as everyone may be, the larger the group, the more tiers. Brandon ignored all of that. If he noticed that anyone was online on discord, he’d immediately hop in just to chat. When Avatar was brought back to Netflix, a few of us sat on discord and watched the entire series from front to back. I couldn’t make it every day, but every time I was, Brandon was there. He thought Avatar was peak fiction and couldn’t wait for new Avatar content. 

Most of all, Brandon loved comics. It didn’t matter the publisher or genre, Brandon was obsessed all the same. He mostly identified with Matt Murdock (Daredevil), Scott Summers (Cyclops), and Jason Todd (Red Hood). If nothing else, Brandon loved himself a tragic hero on the road to redemption. We used to make “crowbar” jokes with him, and somebody sent him a real one for Secret Santa one year. 

Brandon was creative as hell. He would make any meme you needed right off his phone. He made one for my Chadwick Boseman article a couple months back. He made ones of all of us. Some people met him for the first time ‘cause someone put a hit on their head and he took the job. He did it because he loved all of us, and more than anything else, he wanted us to be happy. He was one of the few people that took genuine delight in the joy of others. What a loveable idiot.

Most of all, Brandon was a writer. It felt like every other month, there was an announcement on twitter about him joining a new comics website and starting his own series about his aforementioned big three (DD, Cyclops, Red Hood). I used to read his articles, and it made me feel like I could do it too. Afterwhile, I launched this very website, and he and I were talking about ways I could get him involved in it other than making memes for articles. 

Losing Brandon feels like losing a little brother. It feels like being robbed of seeing something great. Like when a movie/game you’re really looking forward to drops a trailer, and then gets cancelled due to something out of everyone’s control. It truly feels like somebody stole something from me. 

All of this isn’t the reason my heart felt convicted to write this.

A few years ago, when we were all in the groupchat joking, I made a joke directed at Brandon. It wasn’t anything drastically offensive or anything, but I could tell I really hurt him. I apologized immediately, but I could tell the damage had been done. Every now and then, he’d bring it back up with me just to mess with me, but I could tell it made a lasting effect. He’d tell me he wouldn’t forget it, and that he’d frame it as a joke, cause I really got him. I felt horrible each time, because he honestly didn’t deserve it, even if it was just a joke. When I first got the news, it was the first thing I thought about. I never got to meet him in person and tell him that I honestly didn’t mean it. We never seriously talked about it, even though I told myself I would. 

To this day we still don’t know what happened to my friend. We don’t know why he never made it back to us. We only found out he’d passed because one of us was googling his name every day since he disappeared from Twitter and found his obituary.

I say all this to say, please be careful about what you say to those you love, you can’t count on being able to wipe it clean later.

I love you Brandon. I always will. 

I’m going to miss you until I see you again. 

This time I’ll take you up on your offer for breakfast.

I’ll apologize in person, I promise. 

Here’s some of Brandon’s work.

-E.