God's Sense of Humor
02/09/2019
I’m very quietly laying in my apartment and staring at the ceiling. Sleep doesn’t seem to come cheap these days, even if I feel like I’ve earned it. This is to be expected, since I am finally doing everything I wanted to do.
For the longest time, you can ask anyone, I’ve wanted to move up to the DMV area and land a job using my degree in DC. After graduating from the T in 2017, I had a few contacts talking me up as if they’d be able to help me do just that. Then, suddenly, they all stopped talking to me at the same time. This all happened around the same time my last relationship fell apart, probably due to me more than anything else.
Broken & defeated, I moved back home w my folks and landed a decent paying job w benefits. On my first day, they brought in an assortment of executives that work for various departments, but there was a trend in their testimonials that really bothered me. Each one of them had a dream that didn’t work out, so they ended up at [redacted] and were happy to settle. This really bothered me to no end, because each one of them seemed to be putting on a brave face because they HAD to give this testimony, but none of them seemed happy about it. This is when I knew I couldn’t stay there forever.
I could’ve left home in 2018, but I was kind of terrified of failing again and falling back into that deep depression that I had in 2017. So I settled and called it “sowing seeds” even though I wasn’t actually applying myself to do anything other than my job and coming home and sleeping. My boredom put me in dangerous situation after dangerous situation, and that’s when I knew I needed to leave in 2019, or so I thought.
My plan for 2019 was to get promoted, work that promotion for a few months and then leave in the fall. I got promoted in Feb to a data analytics position (or so I thought it’d be), so far so good. My plan was to start applying for new jobs in July and possibly get hired in Sept/October, because I’m aware these things take time. You know that saying, “man makes plans and God laughs?” Well God got a good laugh off of my plans, because in late June, my mother was diagnosed with cancer.
Of course, with this news my plans needed to change. There’s no way I could leave her holding the bag and apply to other jobs during this trying time. So my plans had to wait. September rolled around and she started her treatments; I attended Mondays with her. In the midst of all this, I got into a car accident on the way to work somewhere in here and possibly did some lasting damage to my back (yes, I know I need to get it checked out), which put a halt to my working out. It was honestly tough.
Watching my mother tough out those treatments which were obviously a bit traumatizing for her made me realize that I was born with that sort of strength as well. I set to work with creating my own website in order to build my brand and bide my time while we waited. When her treatments ended, I started to apply for jobs again, and yet again, it took time.
I launched my site LowPreaux.com on my 26th birthday from my desk at work, and the overwhelming support I received honestly took me aback. I hadn’t been the best friend to everyone since we got the news, and I’d done my trademark of being unavailable while I sorted things out. So to see all of this traffic flowing through my site from my city and even from around the world was.....I can’t even explain how good it made me feel. People I didn’t even know were approaching me and telling me they love the site. Within that week, a recruiter I’d been working with gave me a call and told me she had a position I’d be interested in.
2020 began and I was right where I needed to be; in DC with my friends singing ‘The Box’ at ignorant levels. For some reason, I woke up on the 1st with a calming sense of clarity, even though a lot was at stake within that very same month. I had to force myself to stay present with my friends because I was struggling with the duality of trusting God & also knowing that nothing ever works out 100% for me. The very next week, my recruiter called and told me the firm I’d applied with requested an interview. I was beside myself in shock. I drove up that week and gave one of the best interviews I’ve ever given, no joke.
That next Wednesday, my folks went to oncology to see if my mother’s treatments had worked, or whether we needed another round. No sign of anything anywhere and it’s very unlikely to return. The news felt like somebody had finally lifted the anchor that’d be around my neck for the last half a year. I hadn’t heard anything from my recruiter since the interview, so I just picked up my phone and shot her an email. Her response: “wow, great timing! They actually just reached out to me 10 minutes ago, and they’d like a second interview!” God laughs. I had two more interviews, and then the week after that, they run a background check. Another week passes and I get my offer letter. God laughs. They offered me the max with benefits and wanted me to move as soon as it was comfortable for me.
I put my two weeks notice in that same gotdamn day.
We make plans, and God laughs.
I’m currently typing this from my apartment in Northern VA. I start my new job on Tuesday. It’s been a roller coaster from start to finish, but I don’t know that I’d trade the way this all worked out for anything. I guess I’m typing this to say, post grad depression is very real. It’s happens to everyone. Yes, even to those people you see in Belize for summer break. You may not get that job you wanted SO bad immediately. You very well may run into a lot of adversity. Your plans may be forced to change. You may be delayed, but that doesn’t inherently mean you’ve been denied. Everything takes time. Especially things that are worth it.
-E.